hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
its liver damage thursday
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
