Where is the hickey?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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