We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Enjoy the penises
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
