My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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