I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
