She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
