Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
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"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
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He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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