nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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