i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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