Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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