Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
