I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
