hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
