It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
