Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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