How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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