But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
