tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
