im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think I won the penis lottery.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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