TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize