3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
