His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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