She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
