you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
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Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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