I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
