My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
