The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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