This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
