she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
