direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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