Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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