I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
