she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
