Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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