U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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