best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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