Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
