You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
