Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
