Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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