first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize