you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
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She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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