I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
