I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
