I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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