I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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