Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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