history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
