Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
