If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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