and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
