So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
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So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
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definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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