textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think my vagina is haunted
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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