My cat gives me a boner
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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