Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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