we have pet lesbian snakes
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
