this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
