no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
