My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
