i just had sex bonerless
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
