she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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