I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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