cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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