I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
